Regency Weddings

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Part of the Articles series.

Written by Rose.

The wedding was very much like other weddings, where the parties have no taste for finery or parade; and Mrs. Elton, from the particulars detailed by her husband, thought it all extremely shabby, and very inferior to her own.-- "Very little white satin, very few lace veils; a most pitiful business!--Selina would stare when she heard of it." --But, in spite of these deficiencies, the wishes, the hopes, the confidence, the predictions of the small band of true friends who witnessed the ceremony, were fully answered in the perfect happiness of the union.
Jane Austen, Emma

While a number of modern traditions were already in place during the Regency period that we would be familiar with, engagements and weddings in the Regency period tended to be a simpler affair.

The proposal and engagement

The proposal

There was no set form of proposal in Regency times: no getting down on one knee and offering an engagement ring with a set form of words like “I love you, Firstname Middlename Surname. I want to spend the rest of my life with you; will you marry me?” Note that none of Jane Austen's proposals contain these things. A conversation was sufficient. A proposal was generally accepted because it was considered bad form for a lady to lead a gentleman on. If it was refused, it should be done with the utmost delicacy towards the disappointed suitor's feelings.

Once accepted, permission had to be obtained from the girl's father or guardian if she was under twenty-one. This could be done before the proposal, if the man asked permission to pay his addresses or after when he had obtained her consent.

Settlements

"Good gracious! Lord bless me! only think! dear me! Mr. Darcy! Who would have thought it! And is it really true? Oh! my sweetest Lizzy! how rich and how great you will be! What pin-money, what jewels, what carriages you will have! Jane's is nothing to it--nothing at all."
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

At this point, settlements would be discussed between the groom and the bride's father. Settlements referred to the transference of the bride's dowry to her husband's possession, the allocation of pin money (the bride's independent income), the inheritance of children other than the eldest son and provisions for the bride in the event of her husband's death (called a jointure). Settlements were legally binding so it would be hard to break the engagement once the settlements were agreed.

Engagement rings

"Writing to each other," said Lucy, returning the letter into her pocket, "is the only comfort we have in such long separations. Yes, I have one other comfort in his picture, but poor Edward has not even THAT. If he had but my picture, he says he should be easy. I gave him a lock of my hair set in a ring when he was at Longstaple last, and that was some comfort to him, he said, but not equal to a picture. Perhaps you might notice the ring when you saw him?"
Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

A Regency engagement was not a long affair. Most couples were married within a couple of months from the formation of the engagement. Anything longer than that was called a “long engagement” and was usually due to financial reasons why the couple could not marry. In these cases, rings or other talismans, perhaps with the loved one's hair in them, might be exchanged as keepsakes. Otherwise, engagement rings were rare and certainly not the diamond studded objects of today.

Once engaged, a couple could expect some privileges. They would be allowed to be alone together and could dance more than two dances together at a ball!

Types of Wedding

Traditional church wedding

Before a wedding could take place, the banns had to be read three times on consecutive Sundays or Holy Days in both the bride and groom's parish church. They were read just before the offertory. The form of words was:

“I publish the Banns of marriage between [Groom’s Name] of [his local parish] and[Bride’s Name] of [her local parish]. If any of you know cause or just impediment why these two persons should not be joined together in Holy matrimony, ye are to declare it. This is the first [second, third] time of asking.”

If there were any objections to the wedding, they were made then. The wedding usually followed soon after the reading of the banns. If it did not take place within three months then the banns had to be read again.

As well as reading the banns, a license had to be bought and evidence of parental consent had to be procured if the bride and/or groom was under twenty-one.

At least one of the couple had to be resident in the parish in which the wedding was taking place. If one came from a different parish, a certificate had to be obtained from the other parish to ensure that the banns had been “thrice read” there. St George's, Hanover Square, was the parish church for Mayfair and therefore a popular location for Ton weddings. By the Regency period over a 1000 weddings a year took place there – more than one a day!

As well as a Church of England church, legal weddings could also take place in a Jewish synagogue or a Quaker meeting.

There were alternatives to a traditional church wedding with banns, however.

Common or Ordinary License / Bishop's License

This could be obtained from any bishop or archbishop and meant that the banns did not need to be read. Parental consent for the under twenty-ones was still needed, as was a document swearing that there was no impediment. The wedding had to take place in a church where one member of the couple had lived for a least four weeks. The license lasted for three weeks from the date of issue and cost 10 shillings.

Special License

"My dearest child," she cried, "I can think of nothing else! Ten thousand a year, and very likely more! 'Tis as good as a Lord! And a special licence. You must and shall be married by a special licence. But my dearest love, tell me what dish Mr. Darcy is particularly fond of, that I may have it to-morrow."
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

A special license could only be obtained from Doctor's Commons or the Archbishop of Canterbury and it cost £4 in 1811. The only difference between it and the Bishop's License was that it allowed the couple to marry at any convenient time and place, not necessarily a church. Names of both parties had to be filled in when the license was applied for. Parental consent and proof of lack of impediment were still required. Due to its expense and consequent exclusivity, special licenses were popular among the upper classes. It meant they could be married at home and therefore avoid crowds turning up to see them at church. Lord Byron and Lady Caroline Lamb married by special license.

Scotland

An express came at twelve last night, just as we were all gone to bed, from Colonel Forster, to inform us that she was gone off to Scotland with one of his officers; to own the truth, with Wickham!
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

If there was a problem in acquiring parental consent, then Scotland was the only option for young couples. All the rules for weddings in England as outlined above were set down in the Marriage Act of 1753. This did not apply to Scotland (and Ireland) where in order to be considered legally married, all a couple needed to do was to make the declaration in front of witnesses. The legal age for marriage was also still fourteen for men and twelve for women. If a couple wished to be married in a church in Scotland, however, banns still needed to be read. A real trade sprang up in border villages, most famously Gretna Green, for quick marriages. Often they took place “over the anvil” in blacksmiths' forges. Inns had special rooms set aside for marriages – and bedrooms available for hasty consummation if angry family members were hot on the couple's heels.

Preparation for the wedding and the day itself

“I suppose you have heard of it; indeed, you must have seen it in the papers. It was in the Times and the Courier, I know; though it was not put in as it ought to be. It was only said, ‘Lately, George Wickham Esq., to Miss Lydia Bennet,’ without there being a syllable said of her father, or the place where she lived, or anything. It was my brother Gardiner’s drawing up too, and I wonder how he came to make such an awkward business of it. Did you see it?”
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

As well as the legal part of the wedding, an announcement would be put in the papers. This was a very important way of telling the world all the important details of the families being united.

It was a very proper wedding. The bride was elegantly dressed; the two bridesmaids were duly inferior; her father gave her away; her mother stood with salts in her hand, expecting to be agitated; her aunt tried to cry; and the service was impressively read by Dr. Grant.
Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

Wedding ceremonies themselves were not a large affair. They were attended only by close family and friends. Invitations were not formally sent but would be individual letters sent to the people invited. Bridesmaids did exist, usually a sister, cousin or a close friend, often children. Such a lady or ladies would “attend” the bride. They did not wear matching dresses and they played no formal part in the ceremony. Her father would give the bride away just as in modern ceremonies. The groom would have a brother or close friend to stand up with him as best man. The clergyman and the parish clerk would also attend as a matter of course.

While white wedding dresses were not standardised before Queen Victoria wore white to marry Prince Albert there is a good deal of evidence to suggest that white or at least pale colours were often worn before then by the bride. She might have a dress made specially or she might just wear her best dress. Either way, once she was married, she could expect to wear her wedding dress again as a best dress. Veils were not worn but garlands of flowers may have been worn in the bride's and bridesmaids' hair. Or she may simply have worn a bonnet as she would normally to go to church.

The ceremony itself had to take place before noon. The bride received a wedding ring but the groom did not. The Common Prayer wedding ceremony can be found here. After the ceremony, the bride and groom would sign their names in the register, the bride using her maiden name. As they left the church, shoes might thrown after them and local well-wishers would be there to gawk.

Following the ceremony, the bride and groom might leave directly for their new home or a honeymoon or there might be a wedding breakfast first. This was so named because of the early time of the wedding ceremony. Those attending the service would be expected to fast beforehand, take communion after the ceremony and then break their fast at the breakfast. The wedding breakfast could be as simple as an actual breakfast hosted by either the bride or groom's family or a more elaborate party. There is evidence of music and dancing taking place at wedding breakfasts though this may have really been evening entertainment after a break during the day.

There were some superstitions attached to the timings of weddings. Wednesdays in June were thought to be particularly lucky and Fridays were unlucky.

The Honeymoon

The plan of the young couple was to proceed, after a few days, to Brighton, and take a house there for some weeks. […] Julia was to go with them to Brighton.
Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

The concept of a honeymoon and the word itself did exist in the Regency period, though it was not the extensive, romantic affair it is nowadays. Long periods of travel to far off places in Britain or abroad did not become customary until the Victorian period, especially during the early Regency period when Britain was still at war with France. Often, the bride and groom would simply start their married life straight away. The newly wed Collinses in Pride and Prejudice, for example, went straight to Kent from the church door without so much as stopping for a wedding breakfast. If the groom was rich, the couple might travel straight away to one of his estates. Alternatively, one popular bridal tour was to make visits to family members who were unable to attend the wedding. After all, it would not have been expected that large numbers of extended family would have made long journeys for the wedding. Otherwise, a few weeks at the seaside or in the Lake District if the couple could afford it would be an acceptable bridal tour. The bride would often be accompanied by a sister or a close friend as well as her husband.

Sources

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